That time of year again.

I’ve been talking to my older sister on the phone recently and both of us have been suffering from unexplainable depression and anxiety. I think it’s not as unexplainable as it is just that time of year again. I could include statistics about seasonal depression, but that’s boring. Truth is Christmas and all the holiday cheer is the most paralyzing depressive time of the year. I realize that this makes me about as weird as aliens from Mars, but it’s true. Take into account the factors:

Winter – I don’t mind the cold air. Cold air has a way of waking you up and making you feel more alive. What I do mind is the short days. Whoever created daylight savings enjoys watching people suffer. It makes the transition of the shorter days even more intense and miserable. Indiana never recognized daylight savings time until a few years ago, so I can speak from the unique perspective of both sides. When you don’t practice daylight savings time the shortening of days seems much more natural – trust me.

Christmas – Sure, with thanks to marketing it has lost all religious values, but if you don’t believe in Santa or Jesus is there really a reason to celebrate other than good deals at the mall? Seriously. If you are an unemployed atheist how much fun can the Christmas spirit really be?!

New Years – I have personal reasons to hate New Years Eve that I won’t go into detail about on here, but think about it – New Years. It’s the whole glass empty/full conundrum. For me the glass is always empty on New Year’s Eve. Sure you can look at it with all the hope and promise of what next year might bring, but I see the all the failure, disappointment and disillusionment of last year. I am a firm believer that you make your own destiny, but at the same time that destiny is limited by the powers that be. Some people are handed a short straw at birth and no many how many new years and resolutions and dreams and wishes pass – some things are just not meant to be. So, New Years to me represents all the disappointments of the year that passed and putting all my faith and hope into another 365 days seems unreasonable and (in words of my high school band director, Dave Humbert) about as intelligent as running your car into a tree, putting the car in reverse, backing up, putting it back in drive and hitting the tree over and over and over again.

Then the new year hits. . . all the merry merry joy and there are no more significant holidays for awhile (even counting Valentines day - you have to wait 2 months). There is always Groundhog’s Day (my personal favorite holiday) in which all our faith in weather is put into a rodent. This day is more religiously enlightening to me than Christmas.

So, ’tis the mother fucking season for depression, anxiety attacks, not to mention the alcohol consumption increase due to family gatherings (my family excluded in this holiday tradition). Cheers to fighting people at the mall for a spot in line for the hot holiday item. Accidents on black ice and white snow that turns into black slush in the colder parts of the country.

Thank you Jesus for being born, cheers to the Christians who spread across the world like the black plague telling of your goodness in the form of rape, murder, torture and terrorism, and a special cheers to my big sister Megan who is the only pessimist who thinks the world is shittier than I do. Merry Christmas and a shitty new year!